my immortal

you are never here with me in body, but ever-present in spirit.
thank you.
for all that you've taught me. you've given me fresh perspectives of life.
for showing me that fairy tales stay as fairy tales. they live only in our imagination.
for being a part of me. you've given me a capacity to care and to love beyond my own means.
for walking me through so many nights. in my head of course.

we are so similar in many ways, yet entirely opposites in others.
i've always thought we were two pieces of jigsaw. put the two pieces together and you get a perfect fit.
but time and circumstances wear things away. people especially.

but it wasnt a pity, neither was it foolish.
i walked into your world and you showed me how beautiful it can be. i believe that girl is still in you, somewhere. that girl who loved the simple things in her world. that girl, who held her friends so close to her heart.

she is there, at least i believe.

i just cant write anymore. not on my own.

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything on our own
We don't need anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars around our heads
I need your grace to remind me
To find my own

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

from the inside out - hillsong

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace

Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart Is to bring you praise
From the inside out of my soul
Lord my soul cries out

reality check

1) promos in 5 weeks and i am struggling with phy, chem and math
2) i am freaking transferred to play the euphonium in band! sorta getting used to the fingering and stuff but still cant slur the notes well enough. still sound like a trombone with valves >.<

oh ya also want to thank all those who gave me bday present like 2 weeks ago!
(in chronological order)
Trombone section - for the card and for subsidising 30 bucks for my mouthpiece!
Joe, Jiahao, Kakeru - subsidising another 30 bucks for mouthpiece!
06s05 - the mini puma soccer ball!
Bernice - for the swedish meatballs (yum : D) and the card!
Chien Wei - hippo pet and KING KONG HAND llol!
Song Hua - myuk handphone pouch!
MUM and DAD - adidas shoes and watch!

aiyo my mind still abit blur now, hope i included everyone. and hopefully those who promised belated pres will give =)


next, i shall intro my new stead!
JOE LEE TEE YUN!
since he blogged about me i shall return the favour.
HOT BOD, wait for me when i lagging, lend me money when i lose my wallet(dropped on the bus damn!), possesses the innate ability to make anyone laugh at anytime with his antics and perhaps crude behavior, but i like it man.
call it fate or anything u want, we are in the same class, cca, pw group, play bball and soccer. we look at pretty girls all day, mug hard when we should and slack when its time.
pro-trumpetor, esp the high notes wow. can play french horn, percussion, eupho and clarinet too O.O
lol what more could u ask for in a stead?

HAHA sorry becoming a little gay. must be the stress. i even wonder how i have time to blog such a lame entry, one of those rare rare days.

somebody just slap me

why does it seem that i will always be stuck in mediocrity. he's right. im always just above average. but so what? it wont get me anywhere at all!
i would sacrifice the many things that im good at just to be GREAT at something.
others know their direction and what they love and enjoy doing. but i dont.
i dont know a damn thing about myself. no exco position, no h3, no nothing.
jack of all trades but master of none? i guess thats the phrase that describes me.

there is no purpose for people like me on this earth. we live to do something that we dont even know why we are doing because we dont even know who we are on the inside. what are we exactly exceptionally talented at? nothing.
may God please tell me. or someone out there.
i want to be a person who knows my own agenda, to give my all in something i really love doing.

for you, things are going great and i believe you have a more clearly-defined path to follow. l do not deserve to be even in your thoughts. leave me behind, and move forward into the light that is your future.

sometimes we see more with our eyes closed

cats have no worries and cares. i also admire their graceful yet powerful bodies. the epitome of perfection - an example of God's beautiful creation.
and these cats do not know sorrow. they live their life to feed themselves and their children, they live so that they can live another day.
why then did God give us our human intellect? why are we given a choice and the ability to discern what is beyond words, sight and even touch?
surely we were made for a greater purpose, a grander scheme in this phenomenon called life.
look beyond your hectic schedule, your responsibilities and the heavy expectations of this world.
take a long walk down the hdb corridors and the gardens and you might be able to see the many things once oblivious to your blinded eyes.
the warm smile of a father playing badminton with his beloved children, the shy cats playing the perennial game of hide-and-seek with you, the feeling of owning the entire world.
these are the things we once treasured before adolescence. its so important that we do not lose that little bit of us - that childish hope - for many times its the thin line that separates us from insanity.


I am here for you. You are in my prayers, my deepest thoughts every single day. The world lies between us and i dont see any way to get around it. but rest assured that even though things might never return to the way they used to be, i will be here.
I now understand why you once said that words are inadequate. Because some things are just not meant to be said - much less be expressed in words.

forgiveness is release

it is settled i guess. i never realised that i harboured even this tiny bit of unforgiveness towards you until church service yesterday.
for everything you've given me, the joy and the excitement, the hurt and loss
and for everything i've given you, let it be history.
we had fun and we hurt each other in the process, and i will never forget the times.
however, the story continues. not with a comma or a full stop, but a fitting dal segno al coda.

why aren't men allowed to cry

what's a birthday without the ones that matter

my indecisiveness is my bane. i cant find you anywhere now.

2.5 more hours. one year older and i look in the mirror to find myself changed on the outside.
but im still that boy in her eyes. i thought i had grown up. but i find that the things that i once thought were easy to do has become startlingly difficult.
this year has shaped me alot but i know that the core of my being is intact. at least.

and i cling on to the hope, that tmr will not be another lonely birthday, as it has been countless times.
dad is away, mum is working and my spiritual family will not be free.
i even wonder if she'll remember. but i'd rather receive nothing than insincerity.

the perfect gift - time and sincerity - in the midst of obsession with ourselves.