what's a birthday without the ones that matter

my indecisiveness is my bane. i cant find you anywhere now.

2.5 more hours. one year older and i look in the mirror to find myself changed on the outside.
but im still that boy in her eyes. i thought i had grown up. but i find that the things that i once thought were easy to do has become startlingly difficult.
this year has shaped me alot but i know that the core of my being is intact. at least.

and i cling on to the hope, that tmr will not be another lonely birthday, as it has been countless times.
dad is away, mum is working and my spiritual family will not be free.
i even wonder if she'll remember. but i'd rather receive nothing than insincerity.

the perfect gift - time and sincerity - in the midst of obsession with ourselves.