27 days.
thats the number of days since i walked into camp with a head full of hair and apprehension in every single step. i'm gonna update this blog about the experience thus far so i can keep a check on myself - like you know, mental and physical well-being? haha. what i've told people about my ns life has always been the good side because i never believed in complaining and i know that people desire to hear good news. but i doubt i could hold this one back. i need to release pent-up emotions! rah.
first 3 days were torturing, i missed home, pretty bad. i guess everyone else was. faces were either blank or distracted by something else that they couldn't let go of. it was a new environment: a new bed, cupboard, lifestyle, 'friends' and instructors who use the f-word as a verb, a noun, an adjective, adverb, and so on. The vocab of everyone there seems to be limited to ccb, knn and f. i couldn't get used to it as fast as i expected. now i know that there's a major difference between being in a co-ed and all-boys environment.
after the 2 week confinement crawled by, the first bookout was a great feeling; i really felt like a bird being released from a cage (with a rope still tied to my feet of course). but there was no denying that He was always with me and my relationship through the 2 weeks was stronger than ever and i felt really close to Him.
you've called me to places i can't see,
Lord open my eyes.
you've called me to people i can't reach,
Lord stir within me,
a hunger to see your kingdom come,
a passion for your will to be done.
give me a heart for this generation,
set me apart for your great commission.
the book in subsequently was rather hard to bear initially but we got into the momentum much faster this time. i was even starting to 'enjoy' the routine and the training. i could feel myself getting faster, stronger, braver. the gears were kicking in.
but now, i'm right down where i started i feel. the 2 day field camp caused me not only to lose weight, but i lost fighting spirit. never before have i felt so tired, dirty and miserable. i swore more than i ever did in the past 3 weeks, succumbed to the devil so many, too many times. i struggled to find Him in that place. yet i know that His plan is always perfect and He is right beside me though i can't feel him.
nobody knows how weak I am,
better than you.
nobody sees all of my needs,
better than you.
nobody has the power to change me to what I was meant to be.
Jesus be strong in my weakness,
empower me.
next wed will be 8 days in the field and i don't want to think of it as torture and i don't want it to be a hellish episode. i pray that i will really be changed from the inside out to tackle this trying time.
i will search for you and i will find you,
i will find you with all my heart.
i will lift my hands to you in worship.
i will worship with all my heart.
ON ANOTHER NOTE,
i wonder why all the girls are going to australia to study! candice is the next to go over to melbourne uni on 16feb. ah i'm gonna miss all of you who're gonna study in australia. makes me feel like going to study there too after ns hahaha.
and i have a 4 day break! CHINESE NEW YEAR! looking forward to it! i'm gonna enjoy myself and have a fab time catching up with friends and relatives =)
thats the number of days since i walked into camp with a head full of hair and apprehension in every single step. i'm gonna update this blog about the experience thus far so i can keep a check on myself - like you know, mental and physical well-being? haha. what i've told people about my ns life has always been the good side because i never believed in complaining and i know that people desire to hear good news. but i doubt i could hold this one back. i need to release pent-up emotions! rah.
first 3 days were torturing, i missed home, pretty bad. i guess everyone else was. faces were either blank or distracted by something else that they couldn't let go of. it was a new environment: a new bed, cupboard, lifestyle, 'friends' and instructors who use the f-word as a verb, a noun, an adjective, adverb, and so on. The vocab of everyone there seems to be limited to ccb, knn and f. i couldn't get used to it as fast as i expected. now i know that there's a major difference between being in a co-ed and all-boys environment.
after the 2 week confinement crawled by, the first bookout was a great feeling; i really felt like a bird being released from a cage (with a rope still tied to my feet of course). but there was no denying that He was always with me and my relationship through the 2 weeks was stronger than ever and i felt really close to Him.
you've called me to places i can't see,
Lord open my eyes.
you've called me to people i can't reach,
Lord stir within me,
a hunger to see your kingdom come,
a passion for your will to be done.
give me a heart for this generation,
set me apart for your great commission.
the book in subsequently was rather hard to bear initially but we got into the momentum much faster this time. i was even starting to 'enjoy' the routine and the training. i could feel myself getting faster, stronger, braver. the gears were kicking in.
but now, i'm right down where i started i feel. the 2 day field camp caused me not only to lose weight, but i lost fighting spirit. never before have i felt so tired, dirty and miserable. i swore more than i ever did in the past 3 weeks, succumbed to the devil so many, too many times. i struggled to find Him in that place. yet i know that His plan is always perfect and He is right beside me though i can't feel him.
nobody knows how weak I am,
better than you.
nobody sees all of my needs,
better than you.
nobody has the power to change me to what I was meant to be.
Jesus be strong in my weakness,
empower me.
next wed will be 8 days in the field and i don't want to think of it as torture and i don't want it to be a hellish episode. i pray that i will really be changed from the inside out to tackle this trying time.
i will search for you and i will find you,
i will find you with all my heart.
i will lift my hands to you in worship.
i will worship with all my heart.
ON ANOTHER NOTE,
i wonder why all the girls are going to australia to study! candice is the next to go over to melbourne uni on 16feb. ah i'm gonna miss all of you who're gonna study in australia. makes me feel like going to study there too after ns hahaha.
and i have a 4 day break! CHINESE NEW YEAR! looking forward to it! i'm gonna enjoy myself and have a fab time catching up with friends and relatives =)
posted by nic at
5:54 PM
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