"I am your greatest fan, the stalker you'll never know" (meant for who? only she knows.)

does she know that there is someone out there who is praying fervently for her every single day? He prays for her to be happy, to be blessed and to be protected from anything this cruel world can throw at her. He prays she will be able to tide through her struggles and pains, clinging to what is faithful and true - Jesus. He prays that she will be healed from all emotional scars and the pain in her joints and back.

does she know there is someone who cares for her and loves her for who she is? He wants so much to give her happiness and security but finds it infinitely difficult to do so.

Sad but true. This story is yet to be finished. The ending - till next time. (although he hopes there won't be one)

that elusive agape love

only God can provide it? i used to believe there were people on this earth who could give you the love that you need. of course, it couldnt replace God's love, but a question still remains unanswered. does true love really exist on earth?

Love is likened to eating durian.
the first few bites taste heavenly and you wish the feeling could last forever. when you start to get tired of it, you release your foot from the pedal a little while and wash your hands of it. but the scary thing is that it becomes a subconscious part of you. that sweet yet foul scent lingers. you try to cover it with anything else which helps you to pass your time.
but your friends, games, carnal desires, just dont quite cut it.

i know now. only Jesus can satisfy. so i look only to Him for what i need. His love - it supercedes everything else.

i'll find out someday

i was walking home, walking with the heaviest feet i've ever had since a long while. and while i was looking up to the blue heavens, i just suddenly felt God was somewhere out there, watching me. like a father gazing at his son. quiet but knowing. i cried out to Him in my heart in desperation. This is the song he put in my heart. a song that's been there since i was a little boy attending sunday school. a song i thought was long since forgotten.
it may not be the exact words, but here goes.

satisfy my heart
let me be as gold and precious silver
glorify my heart
wash me from within
deep within

refiner's fire
my heart's one desire
is to be loved
satisfy my heart faithful lord
im ready to do your will

the world may abandon me and so may my friends. but my God will never forsake me. to this i hold true.

they say when you close your eyes during Etude XXXI, you can feel your heart beating in sync with the music - that amazing feeling

WE HAVE DONE IT!
firstly i will talk about the wonderful backstage facilities at the esplanade. they provide a room with ur name written at the front door. and inside got bathroom, dressing table, lockers and chairs. pretty cool. and its like a maze in there! so many places to go! took pretty long to figure out how to get out of the stage door to meet everyone outside.

next, i will talk about the performance itself. we were feeling so so so jittery and nervous at 1920 liddat, cuz all the audience start comin in liao. somemore esplanade concert hall so damn big, so many ppl.
i tink our opening fanfare was great, and so was final fantasy X and scheherazade. armenian i abit cockup and pangsei kirby so many times. aiya must conserve energy for solo in scheherade maa xD
thought that everyone will sleep for first half(which some still did) but im glad some ppl also appreciated and enjoyed it. thank you so much.
second half ROCKED! i tink our percussion ensemble and stage band really entertained everyone. alumni band's wizard of oz was really amazing! very enchanting. of course, WE WERE BETTER xP
beauty and the beast is personally one of my favourite and i tink we managed to pull it off. oh and El Camino Real. the slow part was really beautiful, i must say. the best we ever played. hah.
didnt manage to play second encore piece but no regrets. because we did our job. and we did it well beyond expectations.

it was time for the final piece of the night. we watched the conductor as he cued us in. the most beautiful movement of the hand. the magical flick of a wrist which had the power to bring into play the most beautiful melodies in the world.
in this case, it was the college anthem. i raised my instrument.
suddenly, i felt this pride for the school well up within me. i summoned my last ounce of strength from my enervated self, to play the best i could ever do.
for njc, for the band, for the audience.
the sight of everyone in the audience standing to their feet and singing in one voice was simply beautiful, enrapturing.
the last note resounded in the hall, followed by the loudest cheers and screams you could ever imagine.
we had done it. not by perfection, but by sheer spirit and unity.

the last stretch

this is it. i have turned the corner. i see it now. the final last 100m. they lie so invitingly ahead. the most difficult 100m though.
i see the crowd. the 1500 odd people peering down at us, even from 3 storeys up. the pressure is immense. the tension in the room causing the air to be colder than it actually is, a clap cuts the tension, like a scissors does a taut string.
our riposte is a majestic fanfare. a wave of the starting flag. the bang of the gun as we embark on this final 100m. the most important 100m. the 2.5hours we have practised 250 hours for.

im excited. delirious with the thought of playing on such a big stage. however, i never thought of the incredible amount of excess baggage that playing in the esplanade will bring. we have to sell 1700 tix! (we have sold 1400) convince ppl like overzealous businessmen, provide subsidies (which is actually the government's or rather the school's job), coordinate the seating arrangement, the list goes on.

anyway, this is it. i will do my best. my utmost best. the zenith in the music of njcsb. tomorrow. we will pull it off