band camp

it was pretty fun and got to know alot more people better. however, what i discovered was not entirely pleasant. sure, there was the wonderful people i talked to, like Deon. before the camp, all i knew of him was that he was a harp player. quiet and reserved, yet elegant and confident in his playing. shyness and gentleness was my first impression, but yet i knew there was so much i could learn from him. he turned out to be in the same group as me. CHOPIN WOOHOO! and we were bunkmates too!
i learnt how to be sensitive and to do my best despite limitations. to never back out of something which you embarked on because of my own decision. and i pray that the road im walking really is God's path for me.

however, nothing could have prepared me for the discovery of a secret atmosphere of backstabbing and negativity within the band. the insidious gossip and cliqueish gatherings. beneath the mantel of acceptance lay a lurking parasite, a dormant volcano which would erupt if not for the fact that the time we have together is short. maybe its a blessing that we have only a year, or rather three quarters of it as a band, before seniors leave and we take their place, for it helps people to forget each other, along with the silent and rather terrible discrimination. come to think of it, this endless and compulsory cycle of the old making way for the new, brings with it many pros and cons, which i will not talk about.

another thing which totally disgusted me was the power struggle. it may not be evident but the greed - man's eternal quest for status and recognition, is inevitably in every cca, not only in the band.
it is in this note that i want to commend my senior. it is people like who allow me to keep the faith, that in this world there are people who are willing to sacrifice glory for others.
im not sure why you gave away the solo which was (in my opinion) made for you. i believe you could have done a better job. perhaps it was the peer pressure, or a sympathy for him, or perhaps just plain ignorance that you gave it away. but i know that it is tough to sacrifice something that is important to you. and i feel your disappointment and air of resignation even though you pretend to be alright.

also, many j1s stepped up in this camp. great job done there by the food, games and music committee, you guys showed great responsibility and creativity.
on the other hand, i have failed. the pt we organised was disastrous, if not miserable. i bet many seniors must have lost faith in our (or mine rather) ability.
with the emergence of so many who are gunning for a place in the exco, surely, chances are slim.
of course, you might say there are so many other ways seniors, teachers and the conductor will rate a person, but this is surely one major area.
actually, i do not mind if i do not land an exco position. its time i ask myself what is the reason i want to be in the exco? even if i dont get in, will i have the same enthusiasm and love for the band?
if the answer for the second question happens to be no, i will hate myself, because i will be just like what i have just criticised earlier. selfish and power-hungry.
so in conclusion, i lift this into the hands of the almighty father in heaven. if God feels that i have the right mentality and ability to lead, he will definitely grant me the favour and wisdom to do so.
if im still not ready, i will continue to wait. for him to shape me into the person he created me to be.